A Camping We Will Go

Last weekend Brendan and I made our last trip to Cub Scout Camp Lakota. We had an amazing weekend. We really started off on a high note when we learned that our pack had scored the closest campsite to the bathrooms! Things got better when we learned that there were only 37 scouts (and about 30 adults) at camp that weekend. Normally there are between 75 and 100 scouts (plus almost as many adults) at camp. Fewer scouts meant more chances with the BB guns, the archery, the climbing wall and less competition for seconds at meals!

Most of the boys from our pack were also from Brendan's den. That meant that the boys and the parents were old hands at Camp Lakota. The boys knew the routine and enjoying being the "big boys" at camp. The parents enjoyed not having to watch over their kids every single second. Besides the guns and the archery, the big hit this year was the human Foosball game. The boys just had a blast with that one. Even the parents took a turn in the human Foosball course.

The only damp spot in our weekend was the thunderstorm on Friday. The camp rents out the Harvard pool on Friday night for the scouts to go swimming. Harvard has a very nice pool. Both the staff and the boys really look forward to the swimming. It started raining about 5pm. We weren't terribly worried as we've been swimming in the rain before. However, the lightning started right as they let us in the pool. In fact, Brendan had just completed a flip off the diving board as the lifeguard spotted the lightning. He came up to the sound of whistles and the lifeguards clearing everyone out of the pool.

Other than Friday's rain, we had beautiful weather. The temperatures around here have been exceptionally cool this summer and last weekend was no exception. Although it was warm in the sun, there was enough of a breeze and plenty of shade to keep us comfortable most of the time. It was a fabulous way to end our summer campouts at Lakota. Perhaps Tim arranged the weather for us. We certainly couldn't have had a better time. Thanks to the camp staff and our fellow campers from Pack 85 for a great weekend.

The 40th Anniversary of Apollo 11

Monday, July 20, 2009, was the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11's arrival on the moon. It was also my 18th wedding anniversary. I really didn't want to spend the evening by myself so I decided to do something I've always wanted to do - throw a moon party. I invited two of Brendan's good friends and their families over for dinner. All the food was round - meatballs, whole new potatoes and peas and onions. We had Tang to drink, of course. The adults took our Tang as Cosmonauts (Tang with orange vodka). The decorations were gold and silver stars. The party store had this really cool table skirt with long silver fringe. I used aluminum foil for the table cloth then dressed it up with the fringed skirt. Brendan helped me make a moon related play list on i-tunes. We had "Fly Me to the Moon" and "Kiko and the Lavender Moon" and "Moon River" among many others. The boys played outside with light sticks and the adults sat inside and talked. It was great to spend the evening in the company of good friends. Planning for the party, cooking and cleaning up kept me from dwelling on the fact that Tim wasn't there to share the day with us. There is never a day when I am not sad at some point. Some days I am very sad indeed. But thanks to my friends, I actually had a good time on my anniversary. Thanks, guys.

A Life of Adventure

On Sunday, July 19, Theo boarded a bus for the MaKaJaWan Scout Camp in Pearson, Wisconsin. Pearson is a lot northwest of Green Bay and a little southeast of Rhinelander, if you're familar with Wisconsin. That puts it 300 miles and six hours away from Chicago. The nearest hospital is in Antigo, about half an hour's drive from camp. I know this because last year I was one of the camp chaperones and made the drive into Antigo very late one night with a scout who had a knife accident.

Theo and his best friend Nick will be at camp until August 1. The camp provides them with an old-fashioned A-frame platform tent. They sleep under mosquito netting, since the tents only tie closed. The boys have to keep all their gear under their cots. The tents are very dark, even during the day, so it can be a challenge to find clean clothes. Of course, finding clean clothes isn't necessarily a priority at scout camp. I did give Theo a few packing tips that he does admit have worked out well.

Theo's been keeping in touch via text message as well as with a few phone calls. The first week he finished his Lifesaving merit badge as well as the Pioneering and Fish & Wildlife management merit badges. This week he's learning Sailing, Horsemanship and Basketry. The weekend was a little slow and I think Theo got a little homesick. He even agreed to go to church the day after he gets back. Now that the second week is in full swing, however, he is busy enough not to miss us quite so much.

Tomorrow will be Wet Wednesday at camp. Wet Wednesday is the day the swimming folks jump in the water with all their clothes on, the lifesaving folks race to take all their clothes off and the boating folks swamp their canoes and kayaks and turtle their sailboats. Today was Theo and Nick's first day on the water in their sailboat. I guess they were practicing for tomorrow because Theo told me that they ended up in the water seven times.

If you would like to see some photos of MaKaJaWan, check out the Northeast Illinois Council website, www.neic.org, and click on the link for MaKaJaWan. Theo's troop is in Commanche campsite in East Camp.

Friends, Family and a Funeral

We have been keeping busy this week with friends, family and a funeral. On Tuesday, we went out to dinner with Michael and Betchie Robotham and their kids. Michael was one of Tim's groomsmen at our wedding. They now live in Hawaii, but are back in the Midwest this summer visiting family and looking at colleges for their oldest son. We went out for some Chicago style stuffed pizza, which you apparently can't get in Honolulu. I forgot to bring my camera, but Betchie had hers. Send me a copy of your pictures, please, Betchie.

On Wednesday, we went to my cousin Kim's house. She has two boys the same age as Theo and Brendan. They also have a trampoline and BB guns and really cool pedal go-carts, which we lack at our house. My boys consider themselves deprived. I consider myself lucky. Once again, I was without my camera. But Kim took some pictures, which I hope she'll send me. (Hint, hint.)

As for the funeral, one of our two gerbils passed away this week. As the average lifespan of a gerbil is three years and Butter was at least three and a half, he lived a good life. Funeral arrangements for Butter are still pending. The boys are already lobbying for new pets. Current requests include a turtle and a dog. Mom is taking all such requests under advisement.

One Month

Today it has been one month since Tim died.

One of the things that Tim and I talked about often during his illness was how grateful we were for all the things that had gone right in our lives. We were grateful that Tim's employer, Northwestern University, had such good health benefits and a sick leave policy that allowed Tim to continue receiving his full paycheck throughout each occurrence of his cancer. We were grateful that we had chosen a lifestyle that allowed me to stay at home to care for Tim during his illness and care for our kids when he was well. We were extremely grateful that my mother was able and willing to come live with us each time Tim fell ill, often on no notice. Most of all, we were very grateful that our children were and continue to be healthy, smart, caring individuals.

Please take a minute today to count your blessings. If you are in good health, you are lucky. If you have a job and a place to live and food on your table, you are lucky. If you have people that care about you, you are indeed lucky. If you have even one of those things, you are lucky.

Tim's illness and death were terribly unlucky for him and for us. But even through all the bad times, I know how lucky I am - I still have all those things. I am particularly blessed to have so many people that care for me and my boys and have been willing to show that care in so many ways. More than anything else, I am lucky to have my boys, of whom I am immensely proud. I hope that they will know how lucky they are to have Tim for a father.

Sunday in the Park with Kohs

We went to a concert in the park this afternoon with Jen and Julian Koh. They are the couple on the ground behind Theo. Brendan is in the yellow chair with his back to the picture. Julian had a better angle:

We went to hear the Illinois Brass Band at Malinckrodt Park in Wilmette. Here they are in the gazebo at the park:

I enjoyed the music. The boys simply wanted to know when they could go over to the Kohs and play with their pet degus. What's a degu? A degu is a small rodent native to Chile - think designer gerbil. Anyway, the boys spent a couple hours at the Kohs while I went to the grocery store. Thanks, Julian and Jen, for the free entertainment and the break.

Circus of the Rock Stars

Every camp at the park district has family night where the kids get to show off what they've been doing. Brendan has been attending Circus Camp and tonight was family night. So Theo and I (and Uncle Michael, Aunt Christina, Erin and Josh) went to the Rock Star Circus. Brendan did globe walking, clowning and cloud swing (a kind of silk trapeze). The picture (courtesy of Denyse) is Brendan in the cloud swing.

It is not the first thing we have done without Tim, but one of the first. It is sad to think of all the things that Tim will miss now that he is no longer a part of our lives. I know that he wanted to be around for all the future circuses and soccer games and so on. We wanted him to be here, too. I have mentioned to the boys on more than one occasion throughout Tim's illness that sometimes there is no why, there just is. Tim's death just is. What is important for us now is not what happened, but what we do with it. So we go to the fireworks and the circus without Tim, because those things are still a part of our life, even if Tim can't be here to share them.

Circus camp has been great for Brendan. He has had a lot of fun in a safe environment where people are looking out for him. It's given him an escape from his sadness and a routine for his days. Brendan got to join the circus without having to run away to do so - how lucky is that?

Keep Calm and Carry On

On the back of my bedroom door there is a bright red poster. It says, in big, white letters,

KEEP CALM

AND

CARRY ON

My good friend, Mary Deeley, who also happens to be Brendan's godmother and who also happens to be a chaplain at our church, gave me a copy of this poster during Tim's final illness.

You can read a brief history of this poster at www.keepcalmandandcarryon.com/pages/history.

Anyway, Mary and I decided that it was a perfect motto for my life at that time.

It still is a great slogan for life. Here I am, a newly widowed mother of two boys ages 10 and 13, trying to navigate my way (our way) through a place we never wanted to be. But the only way to get through this time and on to somewhere better is to keep calm and carry on.