In Thanksgiving

I originally posted the following on July 13, one month after Tim died. I decided that I couldn't right anything more appropriate for Thanksgiving.

One of the things that Tim and I talked about oftern during his illness was how grateful we were for all the things that had gone right in our lives. We were grateful that Tim's employer, Northwestern University, had such good health benefits and a sick leave policy that allowed Tim to continue receiving his full paycheck throughout each occurrence of his cancer. We were grateful that we had chosen a lifestyle that allowed me to stay at home to care for Tim during his illness and care for our kids when he was well. We were extremely grateful that my mother was able and willing to come live with us each time Tim fell ill, often on no notice. Most of all, we were very grateful that our children were and continue to be healthy, smart, caring individuals.

Please take a minute today to count your blessings. If you are in good health, you are lucky. If you have a job and a place to live and food on your table, you are lucky. If you have people that care about you, you are indeed lucky. If you have even one of those things, you are lucky.

Tim's illness and death were terribly unlucky for him and for us. But even through all the bad times, I know how luck I am - I still have all those things. I am particularly blessed to have so many people that care for me and my boys and have been willing to show that care in so many ways. More than anything else, I am lucky to have my boys, of whom I have immensely proud. I hope that they will know how lucky they are to have Tim for a father.

Are You Done With Your Christmas Shopping?

I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet. My boys, however, have already purchased and wrapped my presents. How's that for precocious children? I wish I could take the credit. Our good friends Jen and Julian called today and offered to take the boys out shopping. Actually, they texted Theo and asked if he and his brother wanted to go out. After shopping, Theo went to see New Moon, but Brendan went to the Koh's and did the present wrapping. Apparently, Brendan has decided he really likes present wrapping. I offered to let him wrap all of Theo's presents. I'm sure he'd wrap his own, if I let him. Thanks, Jen and Julian, for helping my boys today.

What to Say Instead of "How Are You"

Hello.

It's good to see you.

What have you been doing lately?

What are the kids involved in these days?



Anything but "How are you?" Then I don't have to decided whether to lie to you and tell you I'm fine or tell you the truth.


I'm lonely.

I'm sad.

I'm scared.

I'm tired.

The Jar That Never Goes Empty

Today was widow day at church. The first reading today was the story of Elijiah and the Widow at Zarepath. Elijiah asks a widow for something to eat. She tells him that she has only a handful of flour in her jar and a little oil in her jug. Elijiah tells her to make him something anyway and then make something for herself and her son. He tells her that God has promised that her jar will not go empty or her jug run dry. The gospel was the story of the widow who gave her last two coins to the temple. Jesus tells his disciples that the widow gave more than many rich people who gave a lot of money.

Fr. Bob gave a wonderful homily, which I won't try to paraphrase here. I will mention one point. He suggested that these two readings were more about God challenging us to give of ourselves to those in need, which is a lot harder than giving money.

I was very moved by his homily. I continue to be blessed by the gifts of the many friends and family who reach out to me and the boys. I repeat for you my prayer from mass today:

In grateful thanksgiving for all of you who have made sure that my jar has never gone empty nor my jun run dry.

Let The Sun Shine

This has been a completely miserable October. The weather man said that we have had rain on 20 of the last 27 days. If we get one more day of measureable rainfall, this will be the rainiest October on record here in Chicago. Normally, October is a beautiful month. The leaves around here have beautiful color - a lot of bright yellow, with plenty of bright red and and a couple of other colors for contrast. The days are getting shorter, but it's usually still warm out. In addition to the rain this month, we have been way below average with our temperatures. At least ten degrees below average. So being outside for soccer has been a cold, damp experience as opposed to a chance to enjoy the last warmth and sunshine before winter sets in.

My mood has matched the weather, it seems. The weather has been sad and gloomy and so have I. The hardest part of trying to move ahead with my life is not knowing how long the hurt is going to last. I am so afraid that a little bit of the hurt will never go away. Tim's birthday, our anniversary, the day of his death, those days will never be the same again - ever. Nor will any Christmas, Easter, graduation, wedding - the list is endless.

I am doing the best I can to let a little sunshine into our lives. We get together with friends regularly. We're planning our usual trip to Florida this spring to see Grandma and Grandpa. We're even hosting a Halloween Party this Saturday.

Let the sun shine...please.

For Weddings and a Funeral

In the last two days I have attended the first funeral and first wedding since Tim passed away. The wedding has been on my calendar for several weeks. I only found out about the funeral the day before. Both the wedding and the funeral were for members of Sheil, my religious community, which has been a great source of support and comfort to me.

The funeral was for Ed Mertz. Ed died one month shy of his 87th birthday. He was an elegant man with white hair and a very deep voice who greeted everyone with a smile. Ed lost his wife Grace to cancer the year Tim was first diagnosed with leukemia. It was sheer luck that I found out about Ed's death in time to attend his funeral. While those of us who were left behind will miss Ed, we also know that he died at peace with his life and looking forward to being reunited with his wife.

The wedding would not be recognized as such by many people, since it was a ceremony for two men. Will and Matt are dear friends with whom I have had the pleasure of singing every Sunday for many years. The ceremony was a beautiful statement of their love for one another. The reception was a lot of fun. I need a little more fun in my life, so I am grateful to Will and Matt for a great evening.

The Widow's Voice

You know how you're on a web page and you click on a link and that leads you to another link and so on? Well, today I ended up at a blog called the Widow's Voice. It's actually a collection of seven widows/widowers who are at various stages on their journey of love and loss. I love it. I have a couple friends who are widows. They are my talisman against the bad times. If they survived and made new lives, I can, too. This blog is a whole web site of such talismans.

www.widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com

Beth K, I want you know to that you were right, God moves in mysterious ways. Thank your friend for me. I found the link on her blog.