Missing Tim

I have missed Tim a lot this past week. Things have been very quiet at my house. My parents were back in Florida, Theo was away at scout camp in Wisconsin and Brendan spent most of the day at circus camp. That left a lot of time to fill. Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of things that need to get done. Most of them fall into the "clean" category - clean the hall closet, clean the kitchen cupboard, clean my desk drawers. The rest of my to-do list is also a sort of cleaning - cleaning up after Tim's death - clean out Tim's clothes, clean up the tool room, clean up my computer network (yikes!). Not exactly entertaining. Not surprisingly, I managed to avoid doing any of those things this week. I spent as little time as possible doing what needed to be done and spent the rest of the time missing Tim.

I don't miss everything about Tim. For example, I don't miss sharing the bed at night. I like having the whole bed to myself, as well as all the pillows. However, I do miss waking up to a friendly face. I don't miss sharing closet space. No more stuffing out of season clothes in a box in the basement. I do miss sharing space on the couch while watching tv. I don't miss Tim's opinion when it comes to decorating - when he had one. But I really miss his opinion on how to raise our children.

It helps to keep busy. I've been out to lunch and had folks in for dinner. It helps to make plans. I have five separate to-do lists on my computer and at least one in my head. It helps to distract myself with things like shopping, making friends on Facebook and writing this blog. I've been told (by others who have been in my shoes) that given enough time, things get better. I'm sure they're right. I'm just trying to hold on till that time comes.